Challenging Traditions

My son and I had a very sad weekend that revolved around the death of his friend. My daughter decided to spend the weekend with her grandmother since she really didn't know the boy or his family. As I sent her off to be with my mother, I was reminded of this book that I read recently about changing the way we raise girls in our society. As much as I love my mother, I disagree with a lot of the traditions that she raised me under and I do not want her to pass these out-dated concepts on to my daughter. The best way to describe the differences is simple: she was a super-traditional, ultra-domestic female who was raised to believe women should SERVE men and put everyone else's needs before her own---she TRIED to raise me the same way, but I rebelled--I became a VERY independent, self-sufficient, autonomous, NON-serving, NON-domestic woman. Now I have a daughter and I am raising her to be like me, NOT like her. However, she TRIES to get in her traditional views whenever she can, and I can see that she LOVES having time with my daughter so that she can "domesticate" her a little bit. She has tried to teach her to cook and sew, and she has taught her some things about serving others and taking care of others. Not that it is ALL bad--but I just want to be sure to teach my daughter how to be a MODERN woman, NOT a traditional "housewife." There is so much more to this than just household chores--the whole idea of women being equal to men, being able to do ANYTHING she wants to do, and having NO limits on her life choices because of her gender--these are things I consider IMPERATIVE to teach my daughter. I prefer to shield her from outdated ways of thinking about gender roles. I would be happy if she never even stopped to think about just "going for it" and "doing her own thing." If gender issues never cross her mind because she has a strong sense of self and the determination to do what she wants to do--then I will feel that I raised her well. Still, I love my mother and I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her--I just don't want her to undermine what I am teaching her. I don't want her dreams to be squelched by doubts or limited by traditions. I want her to truly believe that she CAN do anything that she wants to do--there is no limit to what she can accomplish. I hope she has fun with her grandmother without having deep-set traditions pushed on her. As far as I am concerned, things WILL be different for MY daughter.