The Mother Daughter Connection

My daughter and I spent some time with my mother last weekend. I always analyze the mother-daughter relationships between us all--each connection is very different. When my mother's mother was alive, the differences between us all was even more highlighted. My mother and her mother had a strained relationship--my mother was always trying to please her mother, but she was never successful at it--my grandmother was always complaining and my mother could never seem to make her happy, though she tried very hard to do so. My mother and I have a very different type of connection--I don't think I ever did things to try to please her because I was too busy rebelling from her and trying to do my own thing--I never thought she was cool and I thought everything she did was wrong--I have spent my life trying to be as different from her as I can be. My daughter and I have our own unique connection--we are much more alike than any of the other mother-daughter combinations in our family--we like the same clothes, the same music, the same movies, etc.--at least for now, my daughter is not rebelling from me and is not trying to be different from me--in fact, she wants to borrow my clothes, shoes, and everything else from me--I am sure that we will have more differences in the future but for now, it is kind of nice to have a daughter that LIKES to hang out with me! :) I don't think my mother and grandmother could say that, and I KNOW that I never felt that way with my mother, so it is kind of cool. I am NOT saying that I want to just "be her friend"--I am most definitely her mother and I will exert my authority when necessary. Still, when I was her age, I was extremely embarrassed to be around my mother. No offense to her, but she just wasn't one of the "cool moms"--she didn't dress trendy or style her hair nicely or wear makeup, etc. I always compared her to my friends' mother--she looked great for her age, wore the coolest clothes, drove a cool car, etc. My friends' mother still was strict and made her follow the rules, but she looked and acted youthful and was fun to be around. Not so with my mother. Honestly, I think I am patterning my own motherhood after my friends' mother instead of my own mother. She was a great role model--a good mother who made sure her kids did what they were supposed to do while managing to take great care of herself in the process. I don't know exactly what her secret was, I just know that I always wanted a mother like her--and now I want to BE a mother like her. I love my mother and she is a good person--I know that she loves me very much--this has nothing to do with how we feel about each other. But as I watch us interact together--all of these mother-daughter combinations--I feel good about what I have created with my own daughter. I am not perfect and I know my daughter will rebel from me in various ways--still, I am REALLY enjoying the process of creating this relationship with her. Sometimes I think about specific issues going on now, and I think back to how my friends' mother would have handled it. Mom, I love you, but I STILL want to be like you-know-who! :)