Closure

I think closure is a very important part of life. As we move on through different life stages, we have to close the door of the past behind us so that we can successfully move forward to the next one. Attending the funerals and memorials of loved ones, and meeting with many family members through these events, has brought a lot of closure to my immediately family. We saw where some generations were born, lived, died, and were buried. We saw where parts of our family began and ended. We saw where one generation ended and another began. We felt the moment where the older generation passed the torch down to the next generation--it is time for the younger people to "run the family." You know the moments: when all grandparents die and their children become elderly--the torch is passed from "caring for grandma" to "caring for mom"--or when there are no longer any living relatives living anywhere near "the old homestead"--it is sold and no one in the younger generation has any desire to live anywhere near there. We saw several of these "moments" take place. Going to see where great-great grandparents, great-grandparents, grandparents, etc. are all buried--seeing their old houses and land but having no desire to follow their path in any way--being glad to leave and never looking back: that is the true passing of the torch--that is true closure. We love them and we learned from them, but we do not want to emulate them or continue to live as they did. They lived in the 19th and 20th century--life was much different then, and they lived simple lives on farms and in rural communities. We live in the 21st century--we have busy lives and want to live in big cities and have urban, contemporary lives. We know that they LOVED their roots--they talked about "the old days" all the time and longed to return to "the good old days." As we laid them to rest in the places that they so loved, it felt right--but it also felt good to close the door on THEIR version of "the good old days." In our family, we have moved on to the next generation--and the younger generations are now "heads of the family." We felt like there was good closure on the past generations--we love them and will remember them, but now we are moving forward. Now we are going to do things OUR way in the future--this applies to many areas such as holidays, funerals, and other family gatherings. Maybe we USED to all gather at grandma's and do things her way, but now it is time to do things very differently. There just aren't many "traditional" people left in the family--no one really enjoys cooking grandma's recipes, no one really wants everyone to gather at their house for the holidays, and no one is the "family gathering coordinator" who knows how to reach everyone. Maybe some of us will find ways to get together every now and then, but many of us feel like complete strangers to each other and have no idea how to get in touch with each other even if we tried. We may have all been there when we heard about the passing of our loved ones, but we didn't really make an effort to "keep in touch" afterward. We truly may never see each other again! It is kind of sad, but I guess it is also all part of closure. Why get together just because the older members wanted us to, even though we really are strangers to each other? Know what I mean? Well, we had a lot of closure take place--my teens really do not feel connected to very many people that they are related to by blood. There aren't many left in the immediate circle--there are a few that we will see in the future, but not many. Aunts, uncles, cousins--for my son, he has one uncle that he may keep in touch with, but no cousins(first cousins are much younger, second/third cousins are very distant)--for my daughter, she may keep in touch with the same uncle, and she has one first cousin her age that she may keep up with, but not really anyone else. I just don't see them looking up relatives that they barely know through the years! I think we may have experienced a complete closure of extended family bonds. Now it is time to move forward--maybe MY future grandchildren will be close to each other, but maybe they won't be--who knows. I think we just saw our small extended family just shrink to an even smaller size--I think my teens will contact us(their parents) and each other in their adult lives, but that may be about it. Any extended family growth will begin from my teenagers as they grow up, marry and take on their spouses' families, and have children of their own. Family ties will begin from there--family gatherings will probably include that group, but no one from the further extensions will be part of each other's gatherings. My first cousins(second cousins to my teens) will probably not be getting together with my teens' future families--there is just too much distance there. Closure has occurred--and closure CAN be a good thing. I think we have seen the closure of generations occur in our family. All we can do now is to move forward from where we are and not look back. We have closed the door to the past, and it can never again be opened.