Marley and Me

My daughter and I went to see the movie Marley and Me the other day. I LOVED it! She liked it a lot, too! It is NOT just about a dog--it is about marriage, family, career, midlife crisis, etc. I absolutely recommend it--it was really good! :) Only thing is: it made me think about OUR family dog.

Oh, boy--what are we going to do about our dog! On the one hand, our lab is very calm and is NOTHING like Marley. I even came home and gave her a bit of attention and praise because I realized that she really IS a good dog! BUT--we didn't get her when the kids were little. They were about 10 and 12 when she was born and we brought her home. The dog was NOT our "first child," as Marley seemed to be for the Grogans. I had years of motherhood under my belt before becoming a dog owner. Honestly, I was NOT so thrilled about having a dog in the house! I mean, my kids were finally getting old enough to do lots of things on their own, and here comes a puppy who needs almost as much care as a baby does! So, looking back--if we were going to have a family dog, we should have done it sooner--or NOT do it at all. When my husband brought the dog home, all I could think is: Just when I get the kids almost raised, here we go again! No--here I go again...it would all fall on MY shoulders! And, sure enough, the kids went to school, the husband traveled on business, and guess who got stuck with pet care? Yep--me, the one who really did NOT want to have a dog! I am just not a pet person! I don't want to stop what I am doing to care for an animal! I am not cruel-I just don't want the responsibility. I LOVE caring for my kids, but they are growing up. I resent the times that I have to be the caretaker for the dog that THEY wanted, not me. I do it, but I resent it--and I never really bonded with the dog as they did(at least my husband and son). When they are home, the dog is THEIR responsibility, not mine. And when they are gone, I do what needs to be done, but I do NOT enjoy it. I know I have written about this before, but the movie made me think about it again. Basically, the dog was their first "child", the kids grew up with the dog, and...SPOILER ALERT: the dog dies when the kids are still young. Even though I am not a dog person, I admit that I cried about the dog! But this scene won't be happening the same way in our family. We had two kids for over a decade before we had a dog--the dog grew up during our kids' adolescence--and, if the dog lives a long and healthy life, our two teens will grow up and move away when the dog is about 6 to 8 years old. PROBLEM: I do not want to continue to take care of a dog for 5 to 7 years after my kids leave home! When I am living child-free, I also want to be living pet-free! SO...this is going to be a REAL problem in the future! ALSO: when we finally DO move to Florida, the dog will only be about 4 or 5 years old--and we are going to be living in a small apartment(one that does NOT allow dogs!)--so there is definitely a problem there, too. Since we didn't have a dog when the kids were little, since the dog's life span isn't coinciding with their early childhood and ending during that time, and since we have all of those other issues--we won't be having the same situation as the Grogans did. Basically, our story is VERY different: while our dog is GOOD and NOT like Marley, her life span is NOT following our family timeline in the same way.

So, Marley and Me was good because it tied the life of a dog into the timeline of a marriage and family. It made me think about OUR dog and OUR family timeline. As good as our dog is, I cannot change the fact that her lifespan is not going to fit so perfectly into our family timeline as Marley did with the Grogans. Life in a house with a big yard, young kids, and a stay-at-home-mother: often that is a great place for a dog! Life in an small apartment with no yard, teenagers or grown children who move away, a busy career woman who travels and has no time to care for a pet--that is NOT so ideal! This is a looming crisis in our family--it is going to "hit the fan" one day soon! Either when we move into an apartment that will not allow dogs, or maybe later when the kids grow up and leave home--at some point, the day of reckoning will occur. I am determined to make sure that the dog is loved and goes to a good home--I have some ideas, but nothing is certain right now. For now, my son and my husband will NOT even consider this idea, but they will HAVE to figure something out in the near future. One possibility in our moving plans: I go to Florida and get an apartment while my husband stays here(and the dog stays with him). This is not a long-term plan, but it may be the way we HAVE to do it. And if we do, then maybe my husband will have to figure it all out and I won't have to be "the bad guy." If he has to continue to travel a lot and I am not there to care for the dog while he is gone, he will realize that there is a problem. He will also realize that the dog cannot come stay with me in a small apartment in Florida while I am working full-time. He knows the family that owns the farm where our dog was born--there are "dog relatives" of our dog there. He also knows some of his relatives that might can take the dog. Maybe I can just move to Florida and get our apartment set up while the dog stays with him, and then he can figure it all out. That would be a big relief for me! Well, we will see what the future holds. Our dog is not Marley, and her story is not the same story--we will have to wait and see what OUR story looks like!