New Years Eve

When the clock strikes midnight tonight, 2008 will be over and 2009 will be here. How do I feel about that? Well, as far as I am concerned, 2008 was a really bad year for us and it will be good to have that all behind us. I don't know if 2009 will be better or worse, but I sure do hope for things to get MUCH better--things just HAVE to begin looking up for us!! I will list some resolutions/hopes for 2009:

1. SELL THE HOUSE!!!!
2. GOOD EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES IN FLORIDA!!
3. MOVE TO FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!
4. GOOD HIGH SCHOOLS FOR BOTH TEENS!!(freshman and junior in the fall)
5. GOOD HEALTH CARE(and affordable!)
6. STABLE FINANCES WITH A LITTLE EXTRA TO SPEND(reduce struggling!)
7. TRADE IN MINIVAN(10 years old!) FOR RED CONVERTIBLE MUSTANG!! :)

I'll stop here--pretty much the same thing I hoped that would happen in 2008--none of it happened and I am rolling it all into 2009's wishes. I sure do hope that 2009 will end up being a GOOD year for us!!!!!!

Happy New Year! Goodbye(and good riddance) 2008!! Welcome 2009--hopefully full of good things for our family! Please, 2009--please be good to us!!!!!!

Torn Between Two Lovers

Oh, my! My daughter has a dilemma now! Just before Christmas break, she had a "boyfriend" at school and she was pretty crazy about him. However, he does not have a cell phone or a MySpace, so they really only talked in school, not outside of school--and even then, they had different schedules and barely saw each other during the day. Still, they would pass notes or leave notes in each other's lockers, sit together at lunch, and sometimes sit together at school functions(but not often). A few things have occurred: a few times they have been able to sit together and hold hands, a few times they have stood together and he put his arm around her, once he kissed her on the cheek, and, on the day before Christmas break, he gave her a quick kiss goodbye on the lips. As far as she was concerned, that was her boyfriend and all was well! She was very excited about her goodbye kiss, and she was going to miss him during the holidays. He never calls her--not sure what's up with that, he can't text her(no cell phone), he can't instant message her or leave messages on MySpace(no access). Basically, if they are not at school or at a school function, they do not communicate. So, she has "missed him" during winter break and has not been able to have any contact with him at all.

Enter the dilemma: she went skating with her friend the other day. Her friend brought her cousin--a cute 14 year old boy. They hit it off, and my daughter now likes THAT boy. Apparently they skated together and held hands--and talked about "breaking up" with their significant others when they returned to school. Later, my daughter went to a movie with her friend and this boy--and my daughter and this boy kissed several times! For a few days after that, there was a lot of text messaging back and forth between my daughter and this new boy. They both seemed to really like each other, and it seemed that THEY were a new item and the "old loves" were out. My daughter said that she would tell her "school boyfriend" that she was moving on--as soon as they got back to school and they could talk again! This new boy said that he would do the same thing with HIS "school girlfriend." I think my daughter liked that this new boy could text message her and leave her messages on MySpace--they seemed a hot item--for a few days, anyway.

Well, now it seems that things have changed--just a few days later! At first, my daughter was all confused--should I "break up" with the old guy and pick this new one? Nothing was said to the first guy since there is no communication during the holidays with him. Then, she was SURE that she was going to pick the new guy--she took things off her MySpace page about the old guy and put the new guy on there--a sure sign of a break up in the teen world! Things were going good, then BOOM--suddenly, this new guy says that he might NOT break up with the other girl! Oh, boy! So...my daughter then decides that she wants to continue her"relationship" with the old guy! Now, she and the new guy say that they will just be friends!

So, when she returns to school, she has no plans to tell the old guy anything about the new guy. Only problem is, her friend kind of has a big mouth(the new guy's cousin). Now she is wondering what she should do. Oh, boy--the love lives of 14 year olds! There have already been issues with things like "cheating" and "breaking up" and "dating my best friend's ex" among my daughter's friends. But, are those issues REALLY important at this stage of the game? If an 8th grade boy and girl pass notes, hold hands, and grab a quick kiss--does that really mean that they are "a couple"? If one or both of them hold hands with and kiss someone else, is it really "cheating"? If one of them tells the other that they are "moving on," is that really a "break up"? And, is it really terrible if 14 year olds end up "dating" several different people--many of which end up being "a friend's ex"? Oh, boy--we have now entered the REAL world of teen dating, haven't we? Maybe not as serious as it will be in a few years, but still...it is a scary thing!

Here is what I told my daughter--and I was drawing on MY experience as a 14 year old girl: I had a "first boyfriend" who gave me my first kiss(first make out session, really!)--a few days later, he was over it and we "broke up." I felt kind of used, but then again, maybe I used him, too--to get that first kiss! Later, a guy at school sat by me and held my hand a few times--it was kind of developing into a thing, but just starting. Then, another guy who knew my friend from a different school called me, came to visit, and we kissed a few times. For a few weeks, I "dated" both guys--the saying was, "I just want to date around and not get serious." After a few weeks, one guy(not the one at school) asked me to "go with him"--the equivalent of "going steady." I said yes, then I told the guy at school about it--basically, "breaking up" with him and then "going with" the other guy. A few months passed, and we "broke up"--I dated other guys again--a different guy every few weeks. The next school year, I ended up "going with" the original school guy--I also ended up "going out with" the guy who gave me my first kiss! It all ended eventually--and then, my junior year, I started dating my high school sweetheart--we stayed together throughout high school.

OK--so I told all of that to show something: teens, at this age, are very very fickle! They say they "love" someone--they kiss and make out--and then, a few weeks later, they are in the same situation with someone else. And--it is ok!! Actually, this is probably how it should be, because getting too serious too young can definitely lead to more problems. So, I told my daughter(and I tell my son, too)--for now, just relax and be casual about dating--do what used to be called "dating around." It is perfectly fine to like lots of different people--it is fine to go on dates with different people--it is fine to holds hands with/cuddle with/kiss different people--keep it casual! I don't see my daughter's dilemma as "cheating"--it isn't even in the same ball park as grown-up love and cheating. I think it would even be okay to have a "school boyfriend," a "neighborhood boyfriend," a "sometimes get together boyfriend," and even a "vacation boyfriend"--at least in this stage of the dating game. They should probably avoid the "going together"/"going steady" stage at this age anyway. They may say, "that's my boyfriend/girlfriend"--but that is a very casual bond at this stage. My daughter's crush last year(never even kissed) still flirts with her--she tells him to leave her alone because she has a boyfriend. Yet, when a cute guy at the skating rink holds her hand or kisses her at a movie, she quickly tosses the old guy out and welcomes the new guy. And when the new guy calls a halt to things, she goes back to the old guy. Who knows--maybe the old guy had a new girl over the holidays, too! Considering the fact that they ONLY communicate during school, he may even have other girls in other situations, too! And that would be ok!

So, we will see what happens when they go back to school. I think old guy is very shy--much more so than new guy. Maybe the note passing, hand holding, and occasional kiss will continue--or maybe not. And, who knows--there could be yet ANOTHER new guy come along in the next few weeks or months! OMG--this is making me, her mother, very nervous! I mean, my "baby girl" now knows what it is like to kiss and make out during a movie!! OMG!! We are now past the very innocent crush stage--and past the "will he hold my hand" stage--we are now in the "you wanna make out" stage!!!! Oh, please stay in THAT stage a LONG LONG time!!!!!!! I hope we don't move forward to the NEXT stage for a very long time!!!! I will continue to talk to my daughter about these issues--I remember quite well how persistent teenage boys can be about pushing girls into things!! I want her to be strong and stand up for herself--it is HER call, not the boys!! I hope she will be strong about these issues!! I did a pretty good job about that at her age--boys knew what they could and could NOT get me to do!!!! Oh my lord--I cannot believe that I am now the parent of a teenager going through these issues!!!! And this is my "baby girl" we are talking about--my son is ahead of her in this game. Isn't is ironic--when we are teenagers going through these things, we often give NO thought to what our parents would say--and when we are the parents, we want to be SO involved in the issue at hand!! Just let us survive this intact with no serious consequences--that is our biggest goal! Learn about love, experience heartbreak, but please don't do anything that would seriously affect you for the rest of your life! So, here we go--the innocence is over and the scary ride is REALLY beginning!! Hang on for dear life!!!!!

Marley and Me

My daughter and I went to see the movie Marley and Me the other day. I LOVED it! She liked it a lot, too! It is NOT just about a dog--it is about marriage, family, career, midlife crisis, etc. I absolutely recommend it--it was really good! :) Only thing is: it made me think about OUR family dog.

Oh, boy--what are we going to do about our dog! On the one hand, our lab is very calm and is NOTHING like Marley. I even came home and gave her a bit of attention and praise because I realized that she really IS a good dog! BUT--we didn't get her when the kids were little. They were about 10 and 12 when she was born and we brought her home. The dog was NOT our "first child," as Marley seemed to be for the Grogans. I had years of motherhood under my belt before becoming a dog owner. Honestly, I was NOT so thrilled about having a dog in the house! I mean, my kids were finally getting old enough to do lots of things on their own, and here comes a puppy who needs almost as much care as a baby does! So, looking back--if we were going to have a family dog, we should have done it sooner--or NOT do it at all. When my husband brought the dog home, all I could think is: Just when I get the kids almost raised, here we go again! No--here I go again...it would all fall on MY shoulders! And, sure enough, the kids went to school, the husband traveled on business, and guess who got stuck with pet care? Yep--me, the one who really did NOT want to have a dog! I am just not a pet person! I don't want to stop what I am doing to care for an animal! I am not cruel-I just don't want the responsibility. I LOVE caring for my kids, but they are growing up. I resent the times that I have to be the caretaker for the dog that THEY wanted, not me. I do it, but I resent it--and I never really bonded with the dog as they did(at least my husband and son). When they are home, the dog is THEIR responsibility, not mine. And when they are gone, I do what needs to be done, but I do NOT enjoy it. I know I have written about this before, but the movie made me think about it again. Basically, the dog was their first "child", the kids grew up with the dog, and...SPOILER ALERT: the dog dies when the kids are still young. Even though I am not a dog person, I admit that I cried about the dog! But this scene won't be happening the same way in our family. We had two kids for over a decade before we had a dog--the dog grew up during our kids' adolescence--and, if the dog lives a long and healthy life, our two teens will grow up and move away when the dog is about 6 to 8 years old. PROBLEM: I do not want to continue to take care of a dog for 5 to 7 years after my kids leave home! When I am living child-free, I also want to be living pet-free! SO...this is going to be a REAL problem in the future! ALSO: when we finally DO move to Florida, the dog will only be about 4 or 5 years old--and we are going to be living in a small apartment(one that does NOT allow dogs!)--so there is definitely a problem there, too. Since we didn't have a dog when the kids were little, since the dog's life span isn't coinciding with their early childhood and ending during that time, and since we have all of those other issues--we won't be having the same situation as the Grogans did. Basically, our story is VERY different: while our dog is GOOD and NOT like Marley, her life span is NOT following our family timeline in the same way.

So, Marley and Me was good because it tied the life of a dog into the timeline of a marriage and family. It made me think about OUR dog and OUR family timeline. As good as our dog is, I cannot change the fact that her lifespan is not going to fit so perfectly into our family timeline as Marley did with the Grogans. Life in a house with a big yard, young kids, and a stay-at-home-mother: often that is a great place for a dog! Life in an small apartment with no yard, teenagers or grown children who move away, a busy career woman who travels and has no time to care for a pet--that is NOT so ideal! This is a looming crisis in our family--it is going to "hit the fan" one day soon! Either when we move into an apartment that will not allow dogs, or maybe later when the kids grow up and leave home--at some point, the day of reckoning will occur. I am determined to make sure that the dog is loved and goes to a good home--I have some ideas, but nothing is certain right now. For now, my son and my husband will NOT even consider this idea, but they will HAVE to figure something out in the near future. One possibility in our moving plans: I go to Florida and get an apartment while my husband stays here(and the dog stays with him). This is not a long-term plan, but it may be the way we HAVE to do it. And if we do, then maybe my husband will have to figure it all out and I won't have to be "the bad guy." If he has to continue to travel a lot and I am not there to care for the dog while he is gone, he will realize that there is a problem. He will also realize that the dog cannot come stay with me in a small apartment in Florida while I am working full-time. He knows the family that owns the farm where our dog was born--there are "dog relatives" of our dog there. He also knows some of his relatives that might can take the dog. Maybe I can just move to Florida and get our apartment set up while the dog stays with him, and then he can figure it all out. That would be a big relief for me! Well, we will see what the future holds. Our dog is not Marley, and her story is not the same story--we will have to wait and see what OUR story looks like!

My Gift To Myself!

While I was out shopping, I found a great deal on a new digital camera for myself, too! I did a lot of research, and I decided that I wanted a Canon. I couldn't afford most of them, but I found some that were reasonably priced and had received great reviews. Maybe one day I can get the Rebel, but for now, the PowerShot will do! My purpose for upgrading MY camera was two-fold: one, my Sony Cybershot is from 2003 and was only 3 mp and two, my son said that he would be happy with my Sony if I ever upgraded to a new camera for myself. This kind of rounded out everything: between birthdays, Christmases, and other occasions, my teens have now received just about everything they think they need regarding "teen technology." Now they both have good cell phones(with cameras), good digital cameras, good mp3 players, portable dvd players, stereos, cd players, etc. They have access to our two family computers. They have access to things like PS2, Nintendo DS, and Nintendo Wii. They have access to satellite television. Basically, they have almost everything that they THINK they need! They will always WANT more, but they are doing pretty good right now! Maybe in the future, things like laptops, cars, and other more expensive items will be on their list--and MAYBE they will get some of them--but, for now, they are doing pretty well. So, getting a better camera for me meant giving my son my Sony Cybershot--he is happy about that, and so am I! And my daughter is perfectly happy with her new camera, too, so all is well. Now, if they don't want ME to take their picture, hopefully they will take pictures of themselves and I can copy them from the computer! :) I have had pretty good luck documenting their teen years this way. If I get out my camera, they go running--they don't want to pose for me! BUT--they seem to LOVE to take photos of themselves and their friends--and they upload them onto the family computer--and I copy and paste them into MY picture folders! THAT is how you can get good photos of your teens! :) Still, I may sneak a few in when they aren't looking, and I do take a LOT of photos of all of their teen stuff around the house. I just LOVE documenting their lives this way--I think ONE day that they will appreciate it(far into the future!).

His and Her Gifts

Although these weren't their only presents, these two things were their MAIN presents this year. My son requested a Sansa since I-pods were too expensive. To be honest, I really LIKE the Sansa BETTER than the I-pod! It has more features and costs a LOT less!! And I was able to find him an 8 gb Sansa for almost half of what an 8 gb I-pod costs! My daughter had already spotted a camera that she wanted when we were shopping one day. I also lucked up and found a great price on it, too! I had to fight traffic, weed my way through crowds, wait for what seemed like an eternity for a salesperson to help me, go through the same process at several different stores around town, finally find the right things at the right price, and wait in long lines to purchase them. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it! And they both seemed VERY happy with their gifts! :) Merry Christmas to my teens! :) I am glad to see that you both are happy with your presents! :)

Christmas On A Small Scale

Everything was on a small scale this year, including our Christmas tree. We had packed most of our ornaments and decorations away last year because we were certain that we were moving soon. When it turned out that we would be here for yet another Christmas, we couldn't bear to unpack everything. So we decided to choose a small tree and put a few small ornaments on it that were on the top of the box. It wasn't so bad, really--it did the job, I guess. We just didn't have a lot of Christmas spirit this year--a small tree with a few decorations seemed appropriate. We almost skipped having a tree, but it just didn't feel right to do that--so we got a small tree at the last minute. We didn't even water it because we put it up just a day or two before Christmas--no need to try to prolong it! Anyway--everything was on a smaller scale this year, but it still seemed to turn out okay anyway. Still, we couldn't help looking to the future a bit and imagining a bigger and better Christmas NEXT year--HOPEFULLY in Florida!! We thought that THIS year we were going to be there having a Florida Christmas--I cannot believe that we are STILL here!!! But...maybe next year...we HOPE!!!

Christmas Stress

I felt my own sense of stress during the week before Christmas. Even though I was determined to keep things low key, I still found myself in the midst of the craziness of Christmas. Mostly, I got caught in Christmas traffic(it was CRAZY!) and I got caught in Christmas crowds(also CRAZY!). By the time I finished shopping, I felt quite stressed and I certainly did not feel "in the Christmas spirit." One good thing, though--even though it took a LONG time to complete my shopping, I did find some good sales and bargains. I think I did quite well keeping within our small budget this year. My teens may not have had a huge spread under the tree, but they were happy with the things that I found for them. I am sure that MANY families had to have small Christmases this year--hopefully everyone found a way to make the holidays special even if they had to be on a very small scale. Maybe next year things will be better--I certainly hope so! For us, there are only 2 more Christmases left with my son before he leaves home--and 4 more with my daughter: I want to make those last few holidays special ones for them. I know that the way to do that is NOT to spoil them rotten with material things, but to make the last holidays at home with family special ones. Still, they don't want to be treated as children as they prepare to leave home, so there are many things we did for years that they absolutely do not want to do now. I will try to do some things in the next few years during the holidays that will give them good closure on their years at home. Hopefully we will still get together for the holidays when they are grown and on their own, but it will never be the same as it is now. Christmas in 2009, 2010, 2011, and 2012 won't look anything like it did for us when they were young children, but I hope we can make some wonderful memories as they enjoy their last Christmases from the perspective of living at home. I have some good ideas that I hope to implement during this time--hopefully I can pull them off! And then, once they are grown and on their own, I have some ideas on how to enjoy the holidays together during that time, too--and they won't be traditional holidays at all! So, even though things are changing, I hope to make it through the Christmas stress each year to make things special for my teens during the holidays. It can be a challenge, but I think I am doing okay so far!

Exam Stress

My son and daughter both had to complete exams and projects before beginning Christmas break. Although it was a stressful time, they both seem to feel confident about their grades and are just happy to complete the semester. Once exam week was over, they both felt a lot of relief and were anxious to begin their long Christmas break. It finally arrived, and they were very glad!

Nothing Like The Holidays

While my daughter and her friend were watching Twilight, I went to see Nothing Like The Holidays. I had expected it to be similar to Four Christmases, but it was actually quite different. There were some funny moments, but it was definitely a drama, not a comedy. And I actually liked it even better than Four Christmases! Of course, that's just my opinion--I like movies that make me cry a lot more than movies that make me laugh! :) And I did find myself wiping tears away a bit during this movie--to me, that is the measure of a good film: if it makes me cry! :)

Earlier, I had written about family traditions and the holidays. I am ready to leave most of the old traditions behind and begin new and very different ones. A challenging holiday, to me, is one where I am having to stand up to outdated traditions and explain my reasons for not wanting to do things "the way we used to do them." This movie was all about traditions, and many family members were upset about the possibility of changing them. It was an interesting perspective to see the views expressed in this film. For the most part, tradition and roots won out and the family in the film was happy about it. It made me think about my own family--we are very different from the family in the film, but my older family members are steeped in tradition as this family was. Their family was large and of Puerto Rican descent--my family is small and Anglo. I imagined what my family would be like if there were more of us--maybe family traditions would mean more, or maybe not. But the overriding theme of the movie seemed to be about family, tradition, roots, home, etc.--the very things that I am kind of rebelling from and moving away from lately. Even though this movie was essentially pulling the audience in a different direction than I wanted to go, I still really enjoyed it. It was interesting to see a very different kind of family portrayed, and it was a nice change from the typical "traditional" family seen in most holiday movies. I really like the movie even though I don't want to continue the old family traditions as they did! :)

Twilight

My daughter and her friend went to see Twilight this weekend. It was my daughter's frst time to see it and her friend's third time to see it. I think that my daughter's friend is a really big fan of the book series. They both ranted and raved about it--mostly about the romance aspect! I get the idea that teenage girls love watching movies about teen love, but the vampire part...not so much! But apparently this movie makes that part seem less important when compared to the love story that guides the plot. Not my type of movie, but teenage girls seem to really like it! :)

The Dark Knight

My son went to his friend's house and they watched The Dark Knight on blueray DVD. My son said that it was very good, although his friend is a much bigger fan of that genre. Even though they both liked it, I think the James Bond movie ranked higher in my son's opinion. At this age, they don't exactly give you complete movie reviews and evaluations--I just have to go by the few statements he made when he returned home! :) He seemed to like the movie, but I wouldn't say that it was one of his favorites. I guess it all depends on what kind of movies you like the best! :)

Peppermint Chocolate Chip MIlkshake

After shoe shopping, my daughter and I went to lunch at Chick-fil-A. We both like their chicken sandwiches--and we LOVE their milkshakes! She stuck with her traditional chocolate milkshake, but I tried their holiday specialty--a peppermint chocolate chip milkshake. MMM...MMM...GOOD!!!! It was delicious!!!!! They won't last past the holidays, so I recommend getting one as soon as you can--they are SOOOOO good!!!!!

Payless Shoes

My daughter and I went shopping the other day and found some really cute shoes at Payless. We managed to hit their "Bo-Go" Sale (Buy one, get one half off)--and we found some really good deals. We also looked at WalMart and Target, but we found our best deals at Payless this time. My daughter needed some new shoes for school and we found some cute and inexpensive choices there. I have been to several Payless stores over the years--some are larger than others. This one was medium-sized, I guess. I would like to find where the largest one in our area is located--we might can find even MORE choices there! :)

Guitars Can Be Better Than Cars!

So, now that my son is 16, many people think that it is time to go car shopping. But the reality is, we just cannot afford to do so right now. Hopefully in the future, but not any time soon. I have to admit that I felt bad about that--not guilty, because it is what it is...money is very tight right now, but I had a hard time deciding what would make a really good present for a very important birthday--and not break the bank! My son kind of guided me in the direction he wanted to go in--he made a list of things that he liked. There were some things on the list such as video games and consoles that I did not want to do--he has enough of those already. That didn't seem special enough. He also wanted to upgrade his cell phone and mp3 player--but he wanted the top of the line stuff! And, he would like to have his own computer, but I am still using a laptop with a broken screen hooked up to an old monitor--um...if anyone needs a new computer, it would be me! So there were a lot of things on his list that were just way over budget and we just can not get them right now. And the idea of a car--we put that out of his mind months ago and told him bluntly that we just cannot afford to do that right now--so he didn't even ask.

BUT--one thing that was on his list was a new electric guitar. He had one from when he was younger, but it was very small and simple. Last year, he bought a bass guitar with his birthday and Christmas money. He plays that thing constantly, and he is really getting pretty good on it. This year, he wanted to upgrade his electric guitar(not the bass)--he wanted to learn to play some of the songs that he really likes, and what he had was just not working. We looked through a catalog and he showed me some things that he liked. We also went to a music store and he showed me some things--it reminded me a lot of when he was young and in the toy store, but this time he was oohing and aahing over instruments. His taste in "toys" have definitely changed--and so have the pricetags!! But I learned a bit about the world of musical instruments--there are the big name brands that cost a lot of money, and there are off brands that are made cheaply and cost less--and then there is a group of instruments in the middle that are made by the same big name companies as the expensive brands, but are made under a different name and cost a lot less. Apparently, in the world of guitars, the most expensive guitars are under the brand name Gibson. I think many professional musicians have Gibsons. We cannot affford a Gibson. Then, I think Gibson makes a brand named Les Paul--also over our budget. Finally, Gibson makes a brand named Epiphone. The name may not be as well known, but it is made by the famous parent company, Gibson. So, buying an Epiphone is essentially buying a Gibson, although I am sure that the materials and handiwork are not as high of quality as a true Gibson. My son knows that we cannot afford a true Gibson, but we can swing an Epiphone. It isn't cheap, but it is MUCH less expensive than a true Gibson guitar--and especially less expensive than a car or many other things that could have been on his list!

So, that is what we bought our son for his birthday: an Epiphone electric guitar. The one we bought him comes with an amp and other accessories. The guitar, plus some cell phone minutes, were all we could afford--and it wasn't cheap! While I was feeling a bit down because I am used to buying lots of birthday presents instead of just one, my son was thrilled to death with his one present! I kept telling him, if love were money I would buy you everything on your list AND a car, but reality made that impossible. I don't know what I was worried about--he was truly on cloud nine about his guitar!! I know, I know--it's the thought that counts and all of that. And there are many families who are having a tougher time than we are--I know that for certain. And we never were the kind of family who could throw expensive elaborate parties and buy luxury cars for our teens like they do on MTV--that has ALWAYS been way above OUR heads!! But still--I was hoping to at least purchase an inexpensive used car for my son to drive--just as my parents had done for me when I was 16--but we just can't. Times are tough right now--for almost everyone. As we watch my son's friends turn 16 this year, I wonder who will get their kids a car, and who will not. Many of his friends come from families who seem to be doing better than we are through this recession--but you never know. And it really doesn't matter what "they" are doing--We are doing what WE can during these tough times--that really is all that matters.

My son was VERY VERY appreciative of his new guitar! He told me that he really didn't care about getting a car--that this is what he REALLY wanted! He used his birthday money from relatives to buy some accessories, and he played his heart out! And he is really good! It will take some time for him to really get it all down, but he is a fast learner. One of the things he bought to go with the guitar adds special effects sounds to it--it sounds really awesome! Listening to him play reminds me a lot of the rock bands I liked when I was his age! I know--he still has a long way to go, but he is really quite talented! He has ALWAYS been very interested and talented in music, and he is really beginning to express himself a lot through music. I can't wait to see/hear what he does next! Happy birthday, son! I am very glad that your new guitar makes you so happy! :)

Happy 16th Birthday!!!

My son is 16 today!! OMG!! Sixteen years old!! He still has to complete his online drivers education course before he can take his driving test, so he won't be going to do that today. But soon...very soon! Maybe in a week or two--and then he will have to go through that awful stressful situation of driving for an examiner and getting rated on his every move. Aahh! Remember that? I don't envy him! I do know that he should practice parallel parking a lot more before he goes--one of his friends failed that more than once! I will write about it all, and I will especially write about how I feel when I give him the keys and he drives alone for the very first time. OMG! I cannot believe that this day has arrived!!! He says that he wants to take a "road trip" alone once he gets his license. I am leaning more toward a day out alone, or a few hours out alone! But it does remind me of that awesome feeling of freedom when you first drive alone. Those of us who have driven for years sometimes get bogged down in the drudgery of it all. Sometimes we groan and complain if we have to drive somewhere, don't we? But remember that feeling, when getting in the car ALONE and driving to the store ALONE was about the BEST feeling in the whole wide world?!! My son is just days away from experiencing this feeling for the first time. It is both scary AND exciting, coming from a parental point-of-view. And I know that every minute that he is out on the road, I will be sitting at home worrying and watching the clock. I still cannot believe that I am on the OTHER side of this whole equation!! Mom and Dad, now I FINALLY am beginning to understand how you felt when I was this age!! It is a very different feeling when you are waiting at home for a teenager to return safely, and I know that the thought will never even cross his mind--he will be having so much fun enjoying his new freedom that he won't give a single thought to how I feel about it all!! And that, my friends, is the whole ball game: we remember what it was like to be their age, but they have NO clue what it is like to be us!! Happy Birthday, Son!! Even though I may embarrass you by saying it, I love you and hope that you have a wonderful day!! :)

Starbucks Holiday Drinks

I enjoyed a few of Starbucks Holiday Drinks this weekend, and they are delicious! I tried the Gingersnap Latte and the Peppermint Mocha Twist. Both were very yummy! My son had the Caramel Truffle, I think. He said that it was good. My daughter stuck to just plain hot chocolate--she is not really a fan of coffee like her brother and I are. I know that we can't indulge in these too often, but we did enjoy them very much! Way to go, Starbucks! Two thumbs up! :)

James Bond Movie: Quantum of Solace

When my daughter and I went to see "Four Christmases," my son decided to go to the latest James Bond movie. He really enjoyed "Casino Royale," and this was the sequel to that one. He said that the plot continued just a few minutes after the other one had ended. He liked it and was glad to have seen it, but I couldn't get much more of a critique from him beyond that. If you like Bond movies, I am sure that you will like this one, too! :)

Holiday Movie: Four Christmases

My daughter and I went to see "Four Christmases" over the weekend. It was funny! Maybe not the absolutely BEST holiday movie, but it was cute. It kind of reminded me a bit of "Christmas with the Kranks"--a lot of "slapstick comedy" and overall silliness. I guess the main thing I liked about it was seeing how UN-traditional holidays can be for many people today! In this story, both sets of parents are divorced, so they visit each parent separately--and much mayhem ensues at each house. If each family and household could be described in one word, it might be something like this: young couple--non-traditional, his dad--redneck, his mom--hippie, her mom--cougar, her dad--doting. Interestingly enough, there really didn't seem to be any "traditional families" in the bunch! So, even though this young couple had to deal with many issues, one issue they seemed to escape was traditionalism! Everyone has their own axe to grind, I guess. For me, my holidays used to be spent trying to explain why I did not want to be "just like them" or do things "just like they do." As time went on, though, it seems that NON-traditionalism has won out, at least in my family! Maybe that is why I liked the movie--a bunch of people doing things VERY differently than "how we've always done it." It was fun to see the craziness that ensued when everyone "did their own thing'! :)

Thanksgiving: Image vs. Reality

Did your Thanksgiving look anything like this? I know that mine certainly did not! The funny thing is, some of my older family members tried very hard to have that "Norman Rockwell image" during the holidays when I was growing up. We would all gather at my grandmother's house--we were expected to wear our "Sunday best"--we sat around the formal dining room table(although there WAS a "kid's table" in the kitchen!)--all of our table manners were used and critiqued--and the older adults usually set the tone and conversation for the day. In some ways, this image was very similar to the way things went when I was younger. But time moves on--people change--older generations pass on and younger generations take their place. Now, in my family, there are no longer any "Norman Rockwell holidays." This isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. That particular image was created around the middle of the 20th century--a bit earlier than that, really. Now that we are deep into the 21st century, it seems a bit silly to try to make our holidays look ANYTHING like this severely outdated image! Sometimes advertisements try to hold on to those images, though--they try to tweak our sentimental side and get us to thinking that it "should" look like that--and if it doesn't, maybe WE did something wrong. But the truth is, the only thing "wrong" with not "living up to the image" is the image itself. America needs to move on. This can apply to many things that may fall into the categories of "the American dream" or "an American tradition." That was then, this is now. Life is not going to look the same, nor should it.

When I am the age of the grandmother in the portrait, my holidays aren't going to look anything like that--heck, I don't plan on looking anything like she does, either! I want to LOOK like a "modern grandmother"--not a "traditional" one. And I don't plan on having traditional holiday celebrations, either. I plan on living in a small apartment or condo, so I won't be inviting all of my relatives over to my place. If my grown children want to host the holidays in their homes, I would love to visit them and do things THEIR way--not mine!--and NOT my ancestors traditional ways. If they do come to visit me, I would love to take them out for a nice dinner at a nice restaurant--no cooking for me, thank you! There won't be any "family recipes" because they died with the people who created them--and no one in my generation wanted to keep the tradition. Either store-bought, ready-made, or catered for us! And that's ok! No--I don't think that I will EVER again be part of that scene--no more traditional "Norman Rockwell holidays"--and that's fine with me. And my teens are even more accepting of this than I am because they have never really done things that way. The whole idea of "1950s traditional" is beyond their comprehension--never lived it, why start now? We are starting our own new traditions in the new century--and the next generation will probably toss it all aside and create THEIR own way of doing things. That is how life should be--moving forward into the next generation. So happy Thanksgiving, however you celebrated it!

Basketball Season Begins

It sure does seem like high school football season ends just as soon as it begins! Since my son's school did not have a very good football season, there were no play-off games or anything that would extend the season a few more weeks. So now it is over--and basketball season has begun! My daughter's middle school does not have a football team, but they do have a basketball team--actually, they have both girl's and boy's teams. My son's high school has both boy's and girl's basketball teams as well. my son really isn't much of a basketball fan, she he rarely attends a game. My daughter often has crushes on the players at her school--or she at least gets an opportunity to sit with a boy that she likes while watching the games--so she likes to go to her games. She stayed after school for the first one, and I think there will be many more in the weeks ahead. Apparently, there was a pep rally before the first game--her "boyfriend" sat by her and held her hand! She is SO excited about it!! Oh, sweet girl--if only it could stay just as sweet and innocent as that!! So basketball games mean "dates" to my innocent daughter if her "boyfriend" sits by her and holds her hand--how adorable! If only things ALWAYS were as adorable as that!! I am enjoying watching her in these sweet and innocent days--she is 14 and it seems to be lasting longer than I thought it would--hallelujah! But I know that life is about to get much more challenging as far as teen dating is concerned, so I will enjoy these last few days of sweet innocence. And when things get much tougher regarding my daughter and boys, I will remember these days with fondness. And then: I will have to GET REAL!! Oh, boy!!

Veterans Day

Since my teens just had a day off for Election Day, they were not out of school for Veterans Day. They did do things at school to honor soldiers and veterans, though. All I can think of is this: my son will soon turn 16--he is really showing a lot of interest in joining the military in the future--in just 2 years he will have to register for the Selective Service--he may decide then to go ahead and enlist--I have mixed feelings about it all. I have the utmost respect and honor for our soldiers--they are awesome!! I would be VERY proud to be the mother of a soldier!! Many men in my family have served--they all recommend it highly. There is no money available to my son for his college education--he will have to find a way to support himself. Serving in the military would be a great way to do that. Still--our country is still at war. Of course I am scared about the idea of my son going off to war! I love him so much--and if this is what HE wants to do, then I will stand behind him with pride bursting from my heart. But I will worry about him--what mother wouldn't, right? So, every time I think of our soldiers serving our country, I wonder if my son will be among them in the near future. God Bless Our Soldiers!!

Online Drivers Education

My son recently signed up for an online drivers education course. It is a requirement in our state that they take drivers ed before getting their license. Since they don't offer drivers ed at his school, and since the private driving schools cost so much, we felt that this was a good option. It costs $55 and takes about 30 hours to complete. He turns 16 next month, so he better get busy! Surprisingly, he isn't pushing to get everything done by his birthday--he says he can wait for a few weeks afterward if needed. We aren't going to be able to purchase a car for him anytime soon--he will have to borrow my mini-van for a while!!--so there seems to be less of a rush--if he was getting a new car, he might feel differently!! I WISH I could buy him a car, but it just is way beyond our budget right now! Who knows what will happen in the future! For now, he just needs to become a licensed driver--we will take each step one day at a time. I will admit that I am very nervous about letting him drive alone even when he has his license. The day I just hand him the keys and let him go--oh my! And that day is coming soon!!! Teenagers and driving--it is a scary thing for parents!!!

High School Musical 3

My daughter and I went to see High School Musical 3 last weekend. It was pretty good! We have the DVDs of the first 2--kind of wish they had done one more to make it a "true" 4 year experience! But this was a good way to end the series--they graduated, and it also seems that the cast is now ready to move on to new things. Remember when Hairspray came out and they called it "the Grease for today's generation"? I knew that was wrong! I knew that THIS was the "new Grease"--if we are talking about a really popular musical that young teen girls just LOVE LOVE LOVE!! I guess it depends on what you use to compare, but Grease came out when I was a young teen--I went to it over and over, I memorized the songs, I had the album, I had the scrapbook, etc. Hairspray was good, but THIS is the one that teen girls REALLY love!! They will go over and over(although now they know that one day they can own the DVD so that may keep multiple viewings at the theater down)(we only WISH that we could have OWNED the movie Grease and watch it at home when we were their age!!!)--they will own the soundtracks and memorize the songs, they will download the videos and anything they can find about it on the internet--THIS is today's generation's Grease!! While it is true that, in the late 70s, we were fascinated by teen life in the 50s(not sure why!!), I don't think teens today are really into "teen life in the 60s" that was represented in Hairspray. No--they are MUCH more concerned with teen life today!! SO, they really seem to enjoy watching the High School Musical movies--it gives them ideas of how things REALLY can be for them now!! As for part 3, the storyline followed some of the tough decisions that have to be made during Senior Year as teens prepare for adult life in the real world after high school. Yeah, it was a bit sappy--but it was still really cute! Having two teens who are just a few years from this life stage, I actually got teary eyed at some of those "what should I do with the rest of my life" moments!! I know--high school is FAR from perfect for most teens--many go through those years HATING school and DYING to GET OUT!! But I HOPE that my teens are having and will have SOME of the good experiences that can ONLY be experienced in high school! They will be grown adults soon enough--enjoy the end of childhood and have a great time being young! I know--there are a lot of things about adolescence that are NOT fun--I really wouldn't want to experience some of those things again. Still--when will they EVER have such freedom to choose their paths in life? High school, college, young adulthood--so many decisions to be made during these years, and so much fun to be had!! Enjoy being young and free!! i am having a wonderful time watching life through the eyes of young people!! It is really a joy!!

Election Day!

What a day! Yes, I voted! Yes, I am happy! But I won't talk about it in my house very much! I am an independent voter who doesn't identify with either party, but there are a lot of Republicans in my family! As I watch the coverage of the election, I feel a smile emerging, but I look at the scowls on the faces of others in the family--and I hold back my reaction. We need change! Change is good! But not everyone agrees...what do you do when family members disagree politically? I go back to the saying, "Never discuss politics or religion with family members." So, I am secretly happy, but I am surrounded by people who are moping around feeling disappointed. oh, well--they need to wake up and smell the changes happening around them. Change is a good thing!!!! :) Change is a WONDERFUL thing!!! :)

Halloween

Halloween just isn't the same around here anymore! We used to really be into it--carving pumpkins and all! Now, my daughter spent the night with a friend and went to a party, and my son just stayed home and did nothing. I was a bit melancholy about it all since my "kids" were no longer participating. I even debated whether or not to pass out candy to the neighborhood kids...I just wasn't into this year! I decided to get some candy as backup just in case I decided to participate. When it began to get dark, I got out the candy and turned on the porch lights. We really have had a lot of people move out of our neighborhood lately, so there really aren't a lot of kids left for times like this. But we did get some trick-or-treaters--each one tiny and cute! All I could think of as I looked at their precious faces was how my kids USED to be at Halloween! These adorable kids reminded me of "what used to be"--but I know that is is time to move on and not look back. I just sometimes feel a tug of nostalgia on my heart! I am truly glad to be moving into the future, but it is times like this that remind of of "the good old days"! :)

Unlimited Texting

This really is a good deal, at least for us!! My teens now get $25 a month to put on their cell phones. They use $19.99 of that for a month of unlimited text messaging. Yes, UNLIMITED text messaging!! They are mostly into texting anyway--they only talk a little bit. This is perfect for them! They have about $5 left for talk if they need it, but they rarely use it. But they text all the time!! They no longer have to keep up with their text messaging--they can go crazy with it if they want to do so!! And I am only out $50 a month($25 each)! With the other pay-as-you-go plan through T-Mobile, we were spending about $100 a month($50 each) for 500 minutes each--they were using that up quickly through text messaging! Yay for unlimited text! Yay for $25 a month each! Most of all, yay for continuing the pay-as-you-go concept--if needed, the monthly refill can be withheld and filled when I think they have earned it. No monthly bills! I like this plan!! :)

Better Cell Phones

Last year, we bought both of our teens basic Nokia cell phones(no cameras!) and gave them pay-as-you-go plans through T-Mobile. They burned through their minutes very quickly! They really used text messaging much more than talking, but every text message cost them cell phone minutes. It was getting ridiculous! SO--we discovered something new and better for them! First of all, we found better pay-as-you-go phones through AT&T--my daughter bought a Motorola Razr phone with her birthday money. My son ended up getting a phone given to him from a friend who was upgrading. SO, now both of my teens have pretty good phones that have cameras in them. They are MUCH happier with their new cell phones than with the old and plain ones! Now, the next thing was to find better plans for them!

Sansa

My daughter had asked for an I-pod Nano. I looked at them, but I was not impressed with the features considering the price! Then I looked at the I-pod Shuffle--better price, but not very many features! Then I looked at other brands--Sansa seemed to be the best buy: more features at a good price! So she now has a Sansa Fuze--she loves it! I was so impressed that I bought a Sansa for myself--I went with the Sansa Clip(smaller, no video)--it is just what I needed! Sorry, Apple--the price of I-pods just was out of my price range!! We are all about Sansa now!!

My Daughter's 14th Birthday!

My daughter just turned 14 years old!! My son will turn 16 years old in December! I feel old!! My daughter had a friend come over and spend the night--they went to a movie later. We ate dinner at HER favorite place (Ryan's Steakhouse!), she opened her presents, we had cake and ice cream, and she spent time just hanging out with her friend. Fourteen...that was quite a year for me! Wonder how it will go for her? I hope it is a wonderful year for my lovely daughter! :) Happy Birthday! :)

Young Love

My daughter has a new "boyfriend" at school. It is still in a very innocent stage--I think he just held her hand for a second the other day. They write cute notes to each other and put them in each other's lockers. It is so cute! Even though my daughter is still ready to move to Florida, she says that she won't "cheat on her boyfriend" when she moves! Oh, my! My son is already continuing a long distance relationship through the internet, and now I guess that she will try to do the same for a while. I don't know--which is better, watching your teens date many different people and worrying about things that could happen, or watching them "commit" to people who live many miles away(less chance of things happening but their hearts are on the line). When teens are dating and one moves away, what usually happens? I guess that sometimes they break up and decide to date other people, but sometimes they decide to "stay together" through long distance. Most of the time, this doesn't last long. Someone ends up dating someone else, and it all falls apart. For now, my son is still committed to a girl who moved halfway across the country from him--they talk on line, they text message, they talk on the phone, they write letters to each other. When I suggest that he maybe think about dating other girls in the future, he balks at the idea--he loves her and wouldn't cheat on her! While, on the one hand, at least there is less worry about what is happening between them long distance...still, I worry about him one day regretting that he closed off so many options at such a young age. I think that one day soon, it will all fall apart--I cannot imagine it will go on and on forever--but it sure has lasted a LONG time long distance!! And I really hope that my daughter doesn't follow the same pattern! What's up with this? I thought teenagers were less serious and more casual about dating these days? I guarantee this: if they stay "committed" to these long distance relationships and miss out on a healthy and normal dating life in their teens, I think they will one day regret it. You are only young once--enjoy it while you can!! But, they don't listen to their mother about these things--they are going to make up their own minds about "matters of the heart." I hope that I can write in the near future that they are "back on the dating scene"--although, there are many things to worry about when that is the case!!

Football Games

Both my daughter and son went to a few football games this year. Still, the team lost every game and there really wasn't much of a "team spirit" going on! I had hoped that my teens would be part of a school with a strong "team spirit" atmosphere--maybe their new schools in Florida will be better about that. I know, there is MUCH more to life than high school football, but it does have a certain feel to it--the atmosphere was fun during my teen years, and I would like for my teens to be able to experience that, too. They will survive just fine if they don't, but I think they would enjoy it if they could have just a taste of it. Go Team! :)

Gas Shortage

After the latest hurricane, we experienced the gas shortage around here, as many did. It was really scary--watching the gas gauge go below E and hoping there would be gas to fill it up again, driving around town looking for gas stations that were not completely out of gas, paying very high prices when you could find some gas, only getting a few gallons before the pump stopped because there wasn't any gas left, and waiting in long gas lines only to get to the pump and realize that the person in front of you just emptied the pump. Not fun! Not fun at all! At least it DID get better a few weeks later, but we will always remember how scary this situation was! It definitely made me want to move to a place where I wouldn't have to drive as many miles in a car each day! I plan to use public transportation and walk more once we move to Florida--I can't wait to get away from where we are now--completely reliant on fuel and car use! I would love to not have to be so dependent upon cars and gasoline!

Hurricanes

We used to live in Texas, so when the latest hurricane hit that area, we felt it vicariously through people who are still there. It also reminded us that we WILL have to deal with hurricanes again once we move to Florida! We remembered all about the warnings, the trips to the store to buy supplies, the routine of putting things away and sometimes boarding up windows--it isn't fun, but it is part of living on the coast. And we think that we are ready to do it all again--hurricanes and all! When there aren't any threatening storms, we still love the idea of Florida living. No, this latest hurricane did not make us change our minds. We still are ready to become full-time Florida residents!

Digital School Portraits

I just thought it was interesting that we can now get school portraits in digital form. I used to scan their portraits to make them digital, but this is even better--better quality, anyway. Anyone ever go to get digital copies of something that was "blocked" because of the photographer's rights? I guess this is one way to get around all of that. Still, I paid for the pictures and I am not going to resell them--I want to be able to copy them as many times as I want! Welcome to the "digital age"!

Contact Lenses

My son has been wanting to get contact lenses for a while, so we finally let him. He used to wear glasses only occassionally. Lately, he seems to need them more often. He hates wearing them and really wanted to try something different. Everything seems to be going well so far--he says that he sees SO much better with contact lenses than he did with glasses! When I was a teenager, getting contact lenses changed my life! I had really goofy glasses, though--his weren't bad at all! Still, for a teenager, it can really boost self-confidence if you can look your best, and for us, contact lenses helped a lot! He has had a few problems--once he lost one and didn't know if it was stuck in his eye(it wasn't!), and once he needed replacements while at school(and learned about keeping back-up lenses handy). But I would say that it has been an overall positive experience for him. My daughter only wears her glasses occassionally, but she is thinking about trying contact lenses, too. She is watching how her brother deals with them first before actually taking the plunge. Oh, and today's disposable contact lenses are so inexpensive that it isn't such a big deal to lose one like when I was a teenager! I would have to give the teen and contact lenses experience an A plus! :)

Back to School Again

Well, since we didn't move yet, my teens had to return to their old middle and high schools. They weren't too thrilled about it! My daughter is in the 8th grade. My son is in the 10th grade. They are just hanging in there until they can change their lives--new home, new schools, new lives. I feel really bad that I wasn't able to make the changes that they need. Hopefully we can make these changes really soon!

Ending Friendships

My teens have been experiencing a lot of broken or ended friendships lately. More friends moved away. Some friendships were irreparably broken. My teens are preparing to move and make new friends in their new hometown. And, in just a few years, my teens will graduate from high school and move on to make new friends in new places once again. That is life in the 21st century! Our society is very mobile--no one stays in one place for very long. Still, technology has helped keep people connected even if they live many miles apart. Some of my teens' old friends still keep in touch through the internet and text messaging. I guess the saddest situations are when friendships end for reasons other than moving--a few of those situations have occurred lately. In some ways, it can be seen as a good thing--some not so good influences are no longer in the daily lives of my teens. Still, ending friendships is never an easy thing to do, even if it is the right thing to do. For now, my teens are not very happy--their friendship base is shrinking fast. They are SO ready to move to a new place and start fresh. I hope they will make some good friends when they move! I know these friends may not be lifelong, but it would help my teens get through the rest of their teen years if they had some friends going through the same things. You know the saying: "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold." Well, it is beginning to look like NEW friends may be about all there is sometimes! Here's to NEW friendships in the future!

Out With The Old

Even though we have no idea when our move to Florida will take place, we are still in "moving mode." We have taken down all decorations and put away anything that we do not use on a daily basis. We participated in our neighborhood garage sale, and we dumped whatever didn't sell at the local Goodwill. We are packed and ready--we are just waiting for the word, "GO"! We are experiencing closure in many ways, although we won't feel total closure until we can leave our lives behind here and move forward into our new lives. Until then, we will do everything we can to close old doors and prepare to open new ones. Ready...Set...(someone please say Go)!

Summer Staycation

With everything that was going on with us during the summer, we did not get to go on our annual summer vacation. At one point, we had some relatives visit us and we showed them around town. I guess you could say that we had a "staycation." With the cost of gas and the bad economy, I think many people did the same thing! We still hope to move to Florida in the future, we just don't know when--at that point, we wouldn't mind "staycations" at all! :)

Closure

I think closure is a very important part of life. As we move on through different life stages, we have to close the door of the past behind us so that we can successfully move forward to the next one. Attending the funerals and memorials of loved ones, and meeting with many family members through these events, has brought a lot of closure to my immediately family. We saw where some generations were born, lived, died, and were buried. We saw where parts of our family began and ended. We saw where one generation ended and another began. We felt the moment where the older generation passed the torch down to the next generation--it is time for the younger people to "run the family." You know the moments: when all grandparents die and their children become elderly--the torch is passed from "caring for grandma" to "caring for mom"--or when there are no longer any living relatives living anywhere near "the old homestead"--it is sold and no one in the younger generation has any desire to live anywhere near there. We saw several of these "moments" take place. Going to see where great-great grandparents, great-grandparents, grandparents, etc. are all buried--seeing their old houses and land but having no desire to follow their path in any way--being glad to leave and never looking back: that is the true passing of the torch--that is true closure. We love them and we learned from them, but we do not want to emulate them or continue to live as they did. They lived in the 19th and 20th century--life was much different then, and they lived simple lives on farms and in rural communities. We live in the 21st century--we have busy lives and want to live in big cities and have urban, contemporary lives. We know that they LOVED their roots--they talked about "the old days" all the time and longed to return to "the good old days." As we laid them to rest in the places that they so loved, it felt right--but it also felt good to close the door on THEIR version of "the good old days." In our family, we have moved on to the next generation--and the younger generations are now "heads of the family." We felt like there was good closure on the past generations--we love them and will remember them, but now we are moving forward. Now we are going to do things OUR way in the future--this applies to many areas such as holidays, funerals, and other family gatherings. Maybe we USED to all gather at grandma's and do things her way, but now it is time to do things very differently. There just aren't many "traditional" people left in the family--no one really enjoys cooking grandma's recipes, no one really wants everyone to gather at their house for the holidays, and no one is the "family gathering coordinator" who knows how to reach everyone. Maybe some of us will find ways to get together every now and then, but many of us feel like complete strangers to each other and have no idea how to get in touch with each other even if we tried. We may have all been there when we heard about the passing of our loved ones, but we didn't really make an effort to "keep in touch" afterward. We truly may never see each other again! It is kind of sad, but I guess it is also all part of closure. Why get together just because the older members wanted us to, even though we really are strangers to each other? Know what I mean? Well, we had a lot of closure take place--my teens really do not feel connected to very many people that they are related to by blood. There aren't many left in the immediate circle--there are a few that we will see in the future, but not many. Aunts, uncles, cousins--for my son, he has one uncle that he may keep in touch with, but no cousins(first cousins are much younger, second/third cousins are very distant)--for my daughter, she may keep in touch with the same uncle, and she has one first cousin her age that she may keep up with, but not really anyone else. I just don't see them looking up relatives that they barely know through the years! I think we may have experienced a complete closure of extended family bonds. Now it is time to move forward--maybe MY future grandchildren will be close to each other, but maybe they won't be--who knows. I think we just saw our small extended family just shrink to an even smaller size--I think my teens will contact us(their parents) and each other in their adult lives, but that may be about it. Any extended family growth will begin from my teenagers as they grow up, marry and take on their spouses' families, and have children of their own. Family ties will begin from there--family gatherings will probably include that group, but no one from the further extensions will be part of each other's gatherings. My first cousins(second cousins to my teens) will probably not be getting together with my teens' future families--there is just too much distance there. Closure has occurred--and closure CAN be a good thing. I think we have seen the closure of generations occur in our family. All we can do now is to move forward from where we are and not look back. We have closed the door to the past, and it can never again be opened.

Family Funerals and Memorials

We have attended several family funerals and memorials lately. Wow! This can really cause both bonding and conflict, can't it? Oh, boy! First, there is the argument about HOW to remember loved ones, then there is the WHERE and WHEN, as well. Here are some of the arguments that ensued: cremation or burial, location of funeral, location of burial, types of headstones/memorials/etc., open or closed casket, wardrobe/hair/make-up of the deceased(or not!), type of service(religious or not), choosing people to lead/participate in the service, type of music to use during the service, what day/time to have the service, whether or not to have more than one service in more than one location, who is invited to the service(and who is NOT), where everyone will stay, what everyone will eat, etc. These "discussions" went on and on sometimes! For the most part, compromises were made and everything eventually came to fruition. Some things were left out, some things were changed, and some things never took place--but all in all, the loved ones were honored and everyone seemed to think that the higher purpose was achieved. It may not have been the way THEY would have done it, but they still all felt that the loved ones were given honorable memorials. In some cases, they did it one way with some family members, and turned around and did it another way with others.

We will miss our lost loved ones! We hope that we gave them all honorable exits from this world. We will always remember the lives that they lived while in our presence. We will try to hold on to the good memories and think of them often in the context of those memories. R. I. P.

Family Crisis

Oh, boy! Did we EVER get an inside look into family dynamics during all of these family crisis situations. Some of the things that we learned about each other was good--in the end, family really did come through for each other--for the most part. BUT--we also learned a lot about those old skeletons in the closet that no one ever wants to talk about! There were moments of kindness where family divisiveness was repaired, but there were also moments where we wondered if some family members would ever speak to each other again! My teenagers met some of their extended family members that they had never met before--it was a bit strange: "Hey, I don't know these people but I guess we are all related to each other" kind of moments. I did not see any new bonds forming, really--I don't think my teens are going to make any kind of effort to stay in touch with these distant relatives. I really don't expect them to, either--if we never got together before, why do so later just because they are "related." I guess I developed a very different view of "family ties" through all of this--sometimes, just because you are "related" is NOT enough of a reason to try to bond together. I pretty much apply that to younger family members who have never really connected with each other or older family members--in some cases, it is really a matter of "why start now." However, I DID see some of the older family members, who have been out of touch for years but once had a close bond, become somewhat reunited through tragedy. I DO see the good in that--mend the fences before it is too late kind of stuff. It WAS good to see that happen, and the loved ones who passed on would be glad to see this reuniting of family happening through them. So, some old bonds were repaired, some rifts were solved, some old wounds were reopened, some feuds continued, some connections were made, some untied connections remained untied, and many family members gathered together in honor of lost loved ones--we realized that, while "We Are Family" is true, it isn't always the picture-perfect 1950s television sitcom version of a family. We also noticed the HUGE generation gap between older and younger generations! The older group knew each other "way back when"--they were usually nostalgic and talked on and on about "the good old days." The younger group really did not know each other at all--they were just there in honor of the older family members--they do not have any shared stories or experiences--they do not understand the "family bond" that the older family members seem to have together. I honestly doubt that the younger family members will be getting together anytime in the future. Once all of the older family members are gone, the younger family members may never see each other again. It was the older family members who encouraged family gatherings--the younger ones probably won't continue that tradition--mostly because they REALLY don't know each other! So, that is what we learned about our family dynamics--we are family, but what does that mean anymore?