His Teenage "Toy Store"

My son spent a long time in a really awesome music store the other day: Guitar Center. We have a few smaller music stores near our house, but we drove into the city and went to this one: it is huge! Watching him check out all of the cool stuff there reminded me of when he was little and I would take him to a toy store: the "toys" have changed, but he still gets just as excited about being surrounded by it all! Now I know that "boys and their toys" never really changes: the "toys" just get bigger and more expensive! I really enjoyed watching him "ooh" and "ahh" about things like amps, effects pedals, and other guitar accessories. They have more than just guitars there, too, so he checked out a LOT of cool things that he would like to have: he ALSO kept saying that he would LOVE to work there and maybe get a discount on some things! Since this place is far from where we live now, I don't think that would work out--but maybe we can find something just as good when we move. If my son could work in a big music store like this one, he would LOVE working!! He is really anxious to get a job soon, but transportation is definitely an issue. I keep thinking that he can do that once we move--we plan to live in an area where everything is either in walking distance or public transportation is available. Until then, an occassional trip to Guitar Center will suffice! :)

She Chose School Boy!

When my daughter returned to school, she resumed her "relationship" with the boy that she liked before the holidays. She did not mention the other boy--she does not talk to him or about him now. So, "school boy" is back! They still only seem to communicate briefly during the school day: in the morning, at lunch, between classes, and after school(they do not have any classes together this semester). It still seems very sweet and innocent: pass notes in the hall, sit together at lunch and hold hands, quick kiss goodbye at the end of the day, etc. I don't know what to expect next: who knows when the NEXT boy will come along and catch her eye! But, for now, the "school boyfriend" is back in her life. She gushes every day when she comes home from school--she can't wait to tell me every detail about what he said or if he held her hand! :) I am SO glad that she is confiding in me about this stuff! The day may come in the future when she stops doing that, so I am enjoying every minute of this sweet and innocent stage right now. Valentine's Day is around the corner--I predict sweet cards, some chocolates, and maybe even a stuffed teddy bear! :) Ah, young love is adorable! (At least when it is still in this very innocent stage!)

Being Average

When my teens returned to school, they received their report cards from the previous semester. They both had a few Bs, but they also both had several Cs. Some were high Cs, almost Bs--all-in-all, I would say that they both had "average grades" this time--not honor roll and not failing. How did they feel about it? Just fine, really. They seem to be perfectly happy scoring in "the average ranges." They were just grateful to be passing! How do I feel about it? Well, at their age, I was a high achiever--usually straight As and HATED getting Bs! BUT--I worked very hard at my school work--I put in the effort it took to make As. They work hard, but I do not think they are self-motivated enough to "go the extra mile"--and I think that is a totally inner self quality that you either have or you do not have. No one pushed me--I pushed myself--I think that is the only way it works, really. So, I do not think that there is anything I could do to "push" them into being "high achievers." If they WERE high achievers, it would be because their inner drive made them want to be that way. I honestly do not think students are high achievers because their parents or others pushed them--without that inner drive and ambition, it just would not do any good! SO--I know my teens: they are good people and they work fairly hard, but they are NOT highly ambitious and highly driven to achieve and be the best. I have talked to them about "the real world" and work ethics: the high achievers often get to the top and become the CEOs and bosses, the "average Joes" work for the CEOs but never really push hard enough to break through to the top, and the "lazy goof offs" find themselves struggling to provide the basic neccessities in life. Sometimes people can be one way in school and change later in life, but a pattern is often set during these formative years. So, my "average Joe and Jane" may go through life being "average"--and that's okay with me! Sure, it would be NICE to see them "at the top," but they don't HAVE to be that way. And, it would be tough to see them struggling "at the bottom," that's for sure. All of this is really their choice, though--nothing I can do to motivate them to be highly ambitious and driven if they are not. So, I guess they may go into adulthood as "Average Joe and Jane"--they may not get the top honors and top awards--hopefully they won't fall into a lower category and find themselves struggling just to survive--but if they go into adulthood swimming right along in the middle of the stream, I guess that is fine with me. I will love them and be proud of them no matter what they do! :) Still, I have to admit: when someone else's Joe or Jane gets top honors, it makes you wonder: could mine have done that if they had just worked harder? Maybe--but I still say that, at this point in their lives, it is ALL about THEM--if they put the work and effort into it, they can achieve. It really has very little to do with me at this point. I will always be a "proud mama" no matter what! :)

Second Semester

My son and daughter finally returned to school after a long winter break. They began a new semester when they returned. They were hoping to choose some new electives, but that apparently didn't work out. At big public schools, it isn't always easy to get into the classes that you want to take because there isn't enough room--the list fills up quickly and then you have to choose something else. So, once again, my teens are back in school but not really very happy about it. We may or may not be here through the entire semester--who knows?! But they aren't exactly begging to stay here all semester because of their classes! If we DO move mid-semester, they probably wouldn't have a lot of choices of electives in Florida right away, either. Either way, second semester is underway. Now the countdown begins: either until moving day or until the end of the school year. Change is on the horizon and we are looking forward to a new way of life!

Welcome 2009!

A quiet night at home--good food--a few fireworks--and Dick Clark on tv: Happy New Year!! My son was complaining about these kind of glasses--we are wondering if this may be the last year for them, or will they figure out how to make 2010 glasses? He thinks they will put a 1 on the bridge of the nose and make it work--and 2010 will be the last ones(hard to make 2011 work!). I think that it won't work without the double 00's--2009 will be the last ones. I guess we will see!! Happy New Year, and Welcome 2009!!

New Years Eve

When the clock strikes midnight tonight, 2008 will be over and 2009 will be here. How do I feel about that? Well, as far as I am concerned, 2008 was a really bad year for us and it will be good to have that all behind us. I don't know if 2009 will be better or worse, but I sure do hope for things to get MUCH better--things just HAVE to begin looking up for us!! I will list some resolutions/hopes for 2009:

1. SELL THE HOUSE!!!!
2. GOOD EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES IN FLORIDA!!
3. MOVE TO FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!
4. GOOD HIGH SCHOOLS FOR BOTH TEENS!!(freshman and junior in the fall)
5. GOOD HEALTH CARE(and affordable!)
6. STABLE FINANCES WITH A LITTLE EXTRA TO SPEND(reduce struggling!)
7. TRADE IN MINIVAN(10 years old!) FOR RED CONVERTIBLE MUSTANG!! :)

I'll stop here--pretty much the same thing I hoped that would happen in 2008--none of it happened and I am rolling it all into 2009's wishes. I sure do hope that 2009 will end up being a GOOD year for us!!!!!!

Happy New Year! Goodbye(and good riddance) 2008!! Welcome 2009--hopefully full of good things for our family! Please, 2009--please be good to us!!!!!!

Torn Between Two Lovers

Oh, my! My daughter has a dilemma now! Just before Christmas break, she had a "boyfriend" at school and she was pretty crazy about him. However, he does not have a cell phone or a MySpace, so they really only talked in school, not outside of school--and even then, they had different schedules and barely saw each other during the day. Still, they would pass notes or leave notes in each other's lockers, sit together at lunch, and sometimes sit together at school functions(but not often). A few things have occurred: a few times they have been able to sit together and hold hands, a few times they have stood together and he put his arm around her, once he kissed her on the cheek, and, on the day before Christmas break, he gave her a quick kiss goodbye on the lips. As far as she was concerned, that was her boyfriend and all was well! She was very excited about her goodbye kiss, and she was going to miss him during the holidays. He never calls her--not sure what's up with that, he can't text her(no cell phone), he can't instant message her or leave messages on MySpace(no access). Basically, if they are not at school or at a school function, they do not communicate. So, she has "missed him" during winter break and has not been able to have any contact with him at all.

Enter the dilemma: she went skating with her friend the other day. Her friend brought her cousin--a cute 14 year old boy. They hit it off, and my daughter now likes THAT boy. Apparently they skated together and held hands--and talked about "breaking up" with their significant others when they returned to school. Later, my daughter went to a movie with her friend and this boy--and my daughter and this boy kissed several times! For a few days after that, there was a lot of text messaging back and forth between my daughter and this new boy. They both seemed to really like each other, and it seemed that THEY were a new item and the "old loves" were out. My daughter said that she would tell her "school boyfriend" that she was moving on--as soon as they got back to school and they could talk again! This new boy said that he would do the same thing with HIS "school girlfriend." I think my daughter liked that this new boy could text message her and leave her messages on MySpace--they seemed a hot item--for a few days, anyway.

Well, now it seems that things have changed--just a few days later! At first, my daughter was all confused--should I "break up" with the old guy and pick this new one? Nothing was said to the first guy since there is no communication during the holidays with him. Then, she was SURE that she was going to pick the new guy--she took things off her MySpace page about the old guy and put the new guy on there--a sure sign of a break up in the teen world! Things were going good, then BOOM--suddenly, this new guy says that he might NOT break up with the other girl! Oh, boy! So...my daughter then decides that she wants to continue her"relationship" with the old guy! Now, she and the new guy say that they will just be friends!

So, when she returns to school, she has no plans to tell the old guy anything about the new guy. Only problem is, her friend kind of has a big mouth(the new guy's cousin). Now she is wondering what she should do. Oh, boy--the love lives of 14 year olds! There have already been issues with things like "cheating" and "breaking up" and "dating my best friend's ex" among my daughter's friends. But, are those issues REALLY important at this stage of the game? If an 8th grade boy and girl pass notes, hold hands, and grab a quick kiss--does that really mean that they are "a couple"? If one or both of them hold hands with and kiss someone else, is it really "cheating"? If one of them tells the other that they are "moving on," is that really a "break up"? And, is it really terrible if 14 year olds end up "dating" several different people--many of which end up being "a friend's ex"? Oh, boy--we have now entered the REAL world of teen dating, haven't we? Maybe not as serious as it will be in a few years, but still...it is a scary thing!

Here is what I told my daughter--and I was drawing on MY experience as a 14 year old girl: I had a "first boyfriend" who gave me my first kiss(first make out session, really!)--a few days later, he was over it and we "broke up." I felt kind of used, but then again, maybe I used him, too--to get that first kiss! Later, a guy at school sat by me and held my hand a few times--it was kind of developing into a thing, but just starting. Then, another guy who knew my friend from a different school called me, came to visit, and we kissed a few times. For a few weeks, I "dated" both guys--the saying was, "I just want to date around and not get serious." After a few weeks, one guy(not the one at school) asked me to "go with him"--the equivalent of "going steady." I said yes, then I told the guy at school about it--basically, "breaking up" with him and then "going with" the other guy. A few months passed, and we "broke up"--I dated other guys again--a different guy every few weeks. The next school year, I ended up "going with" the original school guy--I also ended up "going out with" the guy who gave me my first kiss! It all ended eventually--and then, my junior year, I started dating my high school sweetheart--we stayed together throughout high school.

OK--so I told all of that to show something: teens, at this age, are very very fickle! They say they "love" someone--they kiss and make out--and then, a few weeks later, they are in the same situation with someone else. And--it is ok!! Actually, this is probably how it should be, because getting too serious too young can definitely lead to more problems. So, I told my daughter(and I tell my son, too)--for now, just relax and be casual about dating--do what used to be called "dating around." It is perfectly fine to like lots of different people--it is fine to go on dates with different people--it is fine to holds hands with/cuddle with/kiss different people--keep it casual! I don't see my daughter's dilemma as "cheating"--it isn't even in the same ball park as grown-up love and cheating. I think it would even be okay to have a "school boyfriend," a "neighborhood boyfriend," a "sometimes get together boyfriend," and even a "vacation boyfriend"--at least in this stage of the dating game. They should probably avoid the "going together"/"going steady" stage at this age anyway. They may say, "that's my boyfriend/girlfriend"--but that is a very casual bond at this stage. My daughter's crush last year(never even kissed) still flirts with her--she tells him to leave her alone because she has a boyfriend. Yet, when a cute guy at the skating rink holds her hand or kisses her at a movie, she quickly tosses the old guy out and welcomes the new guy. And when the new guy calls a halt to things, she goes back to the old guy. Who knows--maybe the old guy had a new girl over the holidays, too! Considering the fact that they ONLY communicate during school, he may even have other girls in other situations, too! And that would be ok!

So, we will see what happens when they go back to school. I think old guy is very shy--much more so than new guy. Maybe the note passing, hand holding, and occasional kiss will continue--or maybe not. And, who knows--there could be yet ANOTHER new guy come along in the next few weeks or months! OMG--this is making me, her mother, very nervous! I mean, my "baby girl" now knows what it is like to kiss and make out during a movie!! OMG!! We are now past the very innocent crush stage--and past the "will he hold my hand" stage--we are now in the "you wanna make out" stage!!!! Oh, please stay in THAT stage a LONG LONG time!!!!!!! I hope we don't move forward to the NEXT stage for a very long time!!!! I will continue to talk to my daughter about these issues--I remember quite well how persistent teenage boys can be about pushing girls into things!! I want her to be strong and stand up for herself--it is HER call, not the boys!! I hope she will be strong about these issues!! I did a pretty good job about that at her age--boys knew what they could and could NOT get me to do!!!! Oh my lord--I cannot believe that I am now the parent of a teenager going through these issues!!!! And this is my "baby girl" we are talking about--my son is ahead of her in this game. Isn't is ironic--when we are teenagers going through these things, we often give NO thought to what our parents would say--and when we are the parents, we want to be SO involved in the issue at hand!! Just let us survive this intact with no serious consequences--that is our biggest goal! Learn about love, experience heartbreak, but please don't do anything that would seriously affect you for the rest of your life! So, here we go--the innocence is over and the scary ride is REALLY beginning!! Hang on for dear life!!!!!